10 questions to know if you need a new job or a new attitude

I used to cry in the bathroom at work.

I’d tell everyone I had to use the restroom and then I’d go sit on the closed toilet seat and cry my eyes out.

Then I’d clean my face, paste a smile on my face, and go back to work.

I get it. You hate your job. You hate your coworkers. You fantasize about running away and joining the circus. But maybe the circus isn’t hiring right now. Maybe you can’t quit because you don’t have a backup plan. Maybe you’re worried that a new job will be even worse.

Here’s a post I wrote about how to know if you’re in the wrong job. But whether you decide to stay or go, here are some tips to help you get out of bed Monday morning.

You hate your job. Now what?

So you hate your job. You hate how Susan chews too loudly on the other side of the cubicle wall. You hate how you’re always having to redo Bob’s work. You hate that while Janet is your superior and makes twice your salary, you actually know more than she does. And you hate how every time you have to meet with your supervisor, he makes you feel like ass.

You could probably catalog your grievances. And it can be fun to think about how shitty everyone is at work.

But it’s time to own your thoughts and feelings about what’s going on. You’re going to want to punch me through the computer for saying this, but here it is: You’re not a victim here. (Unless they’re harassing you at work, but that’s a whole lawsuit kind of conversation and a different type of post). Susan’s chewing is annoying af but it isn’t maliciously directed at you.

Is it you? Are you the drama?

I used to work in a job where I thought I did too much of the work.

I thought my colleagues didn’t work hard enough, fast enough, or (frankly) competently enough. So I resented them and secretly thought shitty thoughts about them.

Then I changed jobs.

But after a few months in my new job I found myself feeling frustrated and resentful or my coworkers AGAIN.

I found myself doing more than my fair share of the work. My teammates weren’t pulling their weight. I felt like I had to do my job AND their jobs.

And then KA-BLAMMO! Awareness lightning strike!

I was re-creating the same stinking pattern in all my jobs.

Maybe the problem wasn’t the job.

In which case, changing jobs was never going to solve the problem. Because (cringe) - I was the problem

Is it the job or is it you?

Listen - If your job legit blows, it doesn’t matter how great your mindset it. Your job still blows.

In which case, we don’t need to gaslight ourselves into thinking everything’s cool.

And changing jobs is a good option.

But you also need to take a second to look in the mirror. (Because it’s kind of like dating the wrong person over and over. If you’re attracted to douchebags, you’re going to keep dating douchebags)

So, here are 10 questions to help you figure out - Do you need a new job, anew attitude, or both?

Don’t half-ass this. I get it - journaling and homework is boring (and I’m a therapist and coach!). But if you REALLY want the answer, you have to ask yourself the right questions.

Grab a piece of paper. Sit down for 10-20 minutes, and make yourself answer these questions (“I don’t know” is not an answer):

1. What do I dislike about my current job?

2. When I think back to other jobs I’ve left and why I left them, what patterns do I see?

3. How am I responsible for creating these patterns? (Do I always overwork? Do I ask for what I need or just stew in resentment? Do I choose companies that love crisis? etc.)

4. If I changed these patterns now, how would that impact my current career satisfaction?

5. What do I like about my current job?

6. Are there opportunities to do more of what I like at my current job or have I gone as far as I can go?

7. If I could change the things that annoy me, how would I feel about my current job? (If the answer is still bored, frustrated, or unhappy - go read this post)

8. What reasons do I have to stay in my current job?

9. What are my reasons for changing jobs?

10. Which reasons do I like better?

Choosing your next steps and find what you love

Listen, I don’t believe in “dream jobs.” I don’t think that’s a thing.

All jobs have pros and cons. (Just like how even the dreamiest significant others sometimes leave their socks around the house or leave the toilet seat up so you fall in in the middle of the night).

But there’s nothing wrong with wanting something different from what you currently have.

If you want to make a career change, but you don’t know where to start, I can help. Click below to connect with me.

Hi! I’m Erica

Wife to Brendan. Mom to twins + one. Dog mom. Slow runner. Coffee drinker. GIF enthusiast.

I’m a licensed mental health therapist and life coach who helps high achievers stop procrastinating and second-guessing themselves and start living.

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