This is why you feel resentful

Jan 26

You’re, like, a really nice person.

You really care about other people. You like making them happy. You care about your relationships.

So you do things for others. Even when you really don’t want to do them.

Nice, right?

Yeah, NO! (I’m yelling with love). Because being really nice might be making you miserable. Here’s how you know if you’re too stinkin nice.

I say this with love, but you’re resentful because you’re a big fat liar

I was 100% this person. And if I’m being real honest - I still am sometimes. Just more like 30% of the time. (Because baby steps).

I made decisions based on what others would like. I acquiesced to requests because I was terrified of disappointing someone. I was horrified at the idea that they might have negative thoughts about me.

I wanted to keep the peace, you know?

So I tried to control the people around me by doing what I thought would make them happy. I held my tongue and said “yes” through gritted teeth. And the whole time, I was a big phony (and not a very good one).

If you’re feeling resentful, it’s because you’re pretending to enjoy doing things that you don’t like to do. You’re not being honest with yourself and/or others about what you really want.

If you really want other people to step up and do more but you never ask them to do more, you have only yourself to blame. Again, I say this with love.

Here comes the resentment

This kind of dishonesty breeds resentment. Life feels completely unfair. You wonder why no one reciprocates. You start keeping score.

Because - Hello - You are being mistreated here. And that’s super uncool.

But you also sort of feel bad that you secretly hate everyone (but only a little), because you’re a REALLY NICE PERSON. And nice people aren’t supposed to feel stabby every time someone asks them for a favor.

So you push it down. You try to squash it. You smile through clenched teeth.

But that’s not how emotions work. They don’t go away when you ignore them.

So the resentment stays. It festers. It grows. And you feel worse and worse.

And then you question whether or not you’re a good person because you think all these negative thoughts about others. So you do MORE NICE THINGS you don’t want to do so you can prove to yourself that you’re not a horrible human being.

Round and round it goes.

👋 Are you seeing other people succeed more than you and feeling resentful about it? Here are 3 reasons why they’re passing you by and what you can do about it.

It’s not them. It’s you. (And this is good news)

You think that when other people shape up and start acting the way you want them to, you’ll be able to feel good again. But that’s not how any of this works.

You don’t need to Jedi Mind Trick them into anticipating your needs, helping out more, or not putting you into the awkward position of saying “No.”

Your resentment isn’t their problem to fix. It’s yours.

Because the resentment is coming from your thoughts. Your thoughts about other people. Your thoughts about yourself. Your thoughts about your life. Your thoughts about what’s fair.

And this is good news because it means you can feel completely differently about your life and your relationships without ever delegating your happiness to others. And it means:

You can stop trying to control the people in your life
You can stop wishing the people in your life were different
You get to focus on loving them - just as they are
You get to love yourself - just as you are

Stop feeling resentful

The key to overcoming resentment is honesty. No more trying to be a Unicorn of a Human Being who doesn’t have needs and emotions. You have likes. You have dislikes.

So it’s not a problem if you don’t want to drive your sister-in-law’s second cousin’s neighbor to the airport.

It’s not a problem if you think you do more than your fair share of the work at your job or at home.

As long as you are honest with yourself and others.

Start with yourself

What are your thoughts about what it means to be “selfish” or a “good person”?
What do you really want to do?
Are you resentful because you aren’t going after what you want?
(And here’s a tough one) Do you enjoy being a martyr?
What would it look like if you were completely honest about what you want?

👋 Know what you want but not sure if you’re ready? Here are 3 signs it’s time to take the leap!

Then move on to others

What if you trusted the people in your life to accept you for who you are?
Do you really want to surround yourself with people who don’t care about your feelings?
What would it look like if you set boundaries with people?
What’s the worst thing that could happen if you were honest?

Honesty builds trust. Trust builds honesty. And there’s no room for resentment when you have those two things.

I know what it’s like to be successful and oh-so helpful on the outside but filled with resentment on the inside. I want to reassure you - You CAN completely transform your life and career.

But it isn’t as easy as saying affirmations, starting a gratitude journal, waiting for other people to change, or asking your friends for advice

The #1 reason you might not have the life and career you truly want is because you don’t have the core strategies in place.

Here’s how to do that:

Get clear on what you really want
Create a simple plan that’s easy to follow
Make decisions and implement them quickly and powerfully
Build momentum for healthy habits and stop wasting time on things that suck your energy
Learn how to manage self-doubt and fear so they don’t hold you back

We go through each step together when I’m your coach.

If this sounds unfamiliar, don’t worry! I know it seems like a process, but when you take it one step at a time (with me by your side), it’s totally doable.

Each week, we’ll tackle a piece of the puzzle together -- so that, by the end of our time together, you’ll have everything you need to create a life and career you love.

Can you imagine how GOOD it will feel when you wake up each day, filled with purpose?

When you go to bed every night, feeling accomplished?

When you know that you are the person who sets a goal and hits it every time (not because they’re easy, but because you are unstoppable)?

This is what happens when you stop spending all your energy trying to make everyone else happy and worrying about what everyone thinks.

It’s time. Click the button below and let’s talk about the life that’s waiting for you.

Let’s Talk

You may also want to read…

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8 Signs of Burnout You Shouldn’t Ignore

Denver life and career coach Erica Hanlon

Hi! I’m Erica

Licensed psychotherapist. Corporate dropout. Wife to Brendan. Mom to twins + one. ADHDer. Slow runner. Coffee drinker. Swear words enthusiast.

I know exactly what it’s like to have a life that looks successful on the outside but feel chronically exhausted, frustrated, and completely lost on the inside.

I help underachieving high-achievers create lives and careers they love, without burning out.

What people are saying…

WHAT CLIENTS ARE SAYING (scroll to see more)

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