10 things to immediately stop doing if you want to be happy

Nov 14

You want to be happier? I’ve got you, Friend.

And good news, I’m not going to tell you to add anything to what is probably an already too-full plate. Today is all about subtracting.

Specifically, we’re talking about subtracting all the B.S. that’s keeping you small and diminishing your happiness.

So let’s go!

Talking like a butthead to yourself
Saying “yes” to all the time
Pretending
Trying to be perfect
Avoiding failure
Procrastinating
Denying what you really want
Taking responsibility for others’ feelings
Comparing yourself to others
Trying to earn your self-worth through success

1. Stop talking like a butthead to yourself

Relationships come and go. But you will always have yourself.

And the quality of THAT relationship comes down to how you talk to yourself about yourself.

When things don’t go the way you want, do you take a dump on yourself? Or do you show love and support?

Pay attention to that self-talk. It matters.

2. Stop saying “yes” all the time

I see it over and over. People who are really good at what they do AND who are really nice, end up saying “yes” all the time. And it BURNS THEM OUT.

They’re so busy doing all the things they agreed to do for others that they don’t have the time and energy left to spend time on what they really want.

And then (bum bum BUUUUUM) - the resentment shows up. So saying “yes” stops being an act of kindness and generosity but ends up being a source of anger and frustration.

If you need permission to say “no,” this is it.

3. Stop pretending

Every time you pretend to be someone you’re not to get people to like you, you tell yourself that who you are isn’t likable. :(

Who are you pretending to be (or pretending NOT to be) to get people to love and accept you?

What are the things you are trying to hide? (And not because it’s none of their business but because you feel fear and shame about it.)

Whatever those things are, consider this your invitation to love and accept yourself.

4. Stop trying to be perfect

You might think you are a perfectionist because you have high standards. But what I see over and over is that people are perfectionists because they are trying to avoid feeling shame when things are less than perfect.

And when you’re making decisions from a place of avoidance, here’s what happens:

You freeze and do nothing
You overthink and do nothing
You endlessly research and do nothing

Instead of aiming for perfection so you don’t have to feel shame, take action and have your own back no matter what happens.

5. Stop avoiding failure

I know and have coached some insanely successful people. I know people who own 7-figure businesses, people who are top-level and C-Suite executives. You know what they have in common?

THEY’RE REALLY GOOD AT FAILING.

This is what I mean by that - They don’t think failure means, “I did something wrong.” They think - “I had to do that to learn.”

What would you do differently if you weren’t afraid to fail? Now go do that. And have your own back the whole time.

6. Stop procrastinating

Whatever you really want lies on the other side of what you’re not doing.

Procrastination is a habit. Justifying procrastination is a skill.

Every time you procrastinate you are committing to NOT START right now. Why? Because you’re avoiding the thing.

Your thoughts about the thing (very technical terminology here, I know) is creating a stress response. The Thing feels threatening. And your brain is designed to FOCUS ON THREATS.

You might be in “flight” and avoiding the task, but the whole time your brain is tracking it because DANGER DANGER. And it’s keeping your nervous system super activated and stressed af.

So what can you do instead? Deal with the thing. And move on to things that are way more fun.

7. Stop denying what you really want

Here’s the thing - We’re conditioned to not trust our desires.

What we are taught is “You get what you get and you don’t throw a fit” and “Be grateful for what you have” and “There are starving children in Africa!”

So we feel GUILTY when we want something, go write in a gratitude journal, and then feel like an asshole for not feeling fulfilled.

But you know what happens when you let yourself want what you want? You know what happens when you listen to that voice deep inside saying, “More”?

You explore. You plan. You act. You practice courage. And you expand.

You know what you don’t do? SETTLE.

8. Stop taking responsibility for others’ feelings

It’s one thing to care about others feelings. It’s another thing altogether to take responsibility for them.

You could be the most perfect of human beings and some people aren’t going to be into it. And it’s NOT YOUR PROBLEM.

You know what is your problem? Your feelings.

People can have their feelings. You don’t have to fix them. You don’t have to correct them.

You can just let them feel what they feel.

This will set you both free.

9. Stop comparing yourself to others

Here’s what tends to happen when we use others as a measuring stick for our own success - It stresses us the freak out.

Because comparison easily becomes competition. One person is ahead and the other is behind.

And the brain copes by going to judgment. Judging ourselves and judging others. Thinking something is “wrong” with one, the other, or both.

And that feels like trash.

Comparison is normal. It happens to everyone (including yours truly).

But when you notice it happening, I encourage you to shift from comparison to curiosity and compassion.

What is it that comparison is pointing you towards? Is it something you want? And is there an opportunity for connection here - with yourself or with others?

10. Stop focusing on the gap

You have an “ideal” in mind. But every time you measure yourself against that ideal you will find yourself coming up short.

And you will feel haunted by “not enoughness.”

Nothing you will do will ever feel good enough.

But ideals are not meant to be the metric of success. They’re meant to point us toward what we want.

So instead of focusing on the gap between where you are and your ideal, you can choose to focus on your growth.

How far have you already come? What obstacles have you overcome? What lessons have you learned?

Choose to think about your growth, not the gap.

You’ve got this,

Erica

p.s. If you want to subtract all the things that are holding you back, let’s talk about working together. Space is limited.

Are you ready to do the impossible?

Hi! I’m Erica

Wife to Brendan. Mom to twins + one. Dog mom. Slow runner. Coffee drinker. GIF enthusiast.

I’m a licensed mental health therapist and life coach and career coach. I help you accomplish in 6 months that thing you’ve been thinking about doing for years.