Are you addicted to stress? How to identify and manage your stress addiction

Here’s a story about the weirdest panic attack I ever had:

At the time, I was working in Corporate and doing psychological evaluations on the side (usually on weekends) so I almost never had a day off. Oh, and did I mention I had three toddlers at home? 

I was always on the go. And always stressed. 

So I did the thing you’re supposed to do and I took a day off. Like OFF off. 

I took my kids to daycare.

I scheduled zero appointments.

I crafted the most non-stressful day ever. A day of zero demands. 

It was supposed to be amazing. 

But I was sitting in my living room — doing nothing — AND FREAKING OUT.  

I WAS LITERALLY HAVING STRESS WITHDRAWAL.

Stress can be addicting 

Four reasons you get addicted to stress:

1. Biology stuff

2. Avoidance of icky lifey stuff

3. Habitual stress

4. Trauma

The biology of stress addiction

Here’s some very quick science — Cortisol is the stress hormone.

But when your body releases cortisol, it also releases the feel-good hormone, dopamine.

When you’re stressed, you’re literally having a stress shot with a “feel good” chaser. 

And that feel-good chaser lights up all kinds of fun reward-center parts of your brain.

And yup — Those are the very same reward centers that light up when you win big at the gambling table or smoke some crack. So yeah — stress can be addicting

Stress to avoid life stuff

You know what you can’t do when you’re running around, super busy, and doing all the things? 

Feel your feelings. 

‘Cause who has time for that when you’re trying to complete all your TPS reports, make dinner, and keep all the balls in the air, you know?

Habitual stress

The brain loves familiar stuff and resists change. 

Familiar stuff = Safe and sound

New stuff = Might kill you, better not

So if your normal state is being hella busy and stressed, taking it easy can feel WRONG, triggering relaxation-induced anxiety (yes — it’s a real thing). 

Trauma

Traumatic experiences are like a giant red button for stress — sending you into fight/flight/freeze so you can survive. 

But if you don’t process that trauma or if the trauma is chronic (like ongoing abuse or neglect), the button gets stuck in the “on” position. 

It’s a giant defense mechanism, keeping up shields and trying to protect you from harm.

So trying to bring down those shields to relax can feel hella vulnerable and scary.

5 signs you’re addicted to stress 

1. You say “yes” to everything

It feels great to swoop in and save the day. Plus, you’re like a really nice and helpful person who was taught to put everyone else before yourself (‘cause putting yourself first is for selfish buttholes).

Sure, you might say “yes” with a sinking feeling that this is one more thing on your too-full plate, while secretly resenting the other person, and fantasizing about telling them to go f*ck do it themselves, but you said “yes” because it FELT RIGHT IN THE MOMENT.

2. Even when you’re relaxing, no you’re not

I see you, you self-care commando:

• Having your pedicure….while checking your email on your phone

• Getting a massage…while ruminating about the buzz you just heard from your cell across the room and hoping it wasn’t an emergency

• Watching Netflix…while making your grocery list and thinking about all the things on your to-do list

• Going on vacation…while filling it with non-stop sight-seeing and activities

You’re checking all those self-care boxes like a boss. But you and I both know self-care is a competitive sport for you. Did you do it? Yes. Did you relax and recharge? Nope. 

3. Your memoir would be called, “I just have to get through this week and then I’m good”

Sure, you have a million and one things on your to-do list. But you just have to get through this week and THEN you can relax, amirite?

Except that next week inexplicably ends up looking just like this one, and the one before it, and the one before that…

At which point, it might be time to have an honest conversation with yourself about how the hell this keeps happening (psst…It’s because you keep choosing it)

4. You never have free time

You took a day off! Hell yeah! Go you!

But then you filled that day by cleaning out the junk drawer, brushing your dog’s teeth, learning to speak Greek, and driving across town to pick up a $10 coat tree you bought on Facebook marketplace.

If you always use your free time as an opportunity to “catch up” and that looks like packing it with a bunch of tasks — you might be addicted to stress, Buddy.

5. Doing nothing feels uncomfy 

You have free time! And it feels…not good. 

You feel guilty, bored, or anxious. Maybe you even start overthinking how you’re trying to relax and wondering if you’re doing it wrong. 

Sure, you could sit there and relax. But it feels better to feel productive. So you go organize your sock drawer.

Breaking your stress addiction

Overachieving, working hard, and being stressed may have worked for you. It probably got you to where you are. 

But your body is LITERALLY not designed to be in a state of fight or flight indefinitely. So one of two things have to happen if you’re stressed for too long:

1. You have a nervous system collapse and go into freeze (burnout being a greatest hit here)

2. You get that shit under control 

If you’re in the “I’d prefer to get a handle on my stress so I can have more fun, messy sock drawer be damned camp,” I’ve got you. 

Here are some tips to break the stress addiction:

• Recognize you’re addicted to stress — You can’t fix a problem until you stop acting like the “This is fine” dog meme.

• Find stuff that feels calming and recharges you — Maybe that’s drinking a cup of hot tea on your patio, reading a book, or going for a walk. This is different for everyone. But take time to find your thing.

• Start small. If you’re addicted to stress, going cold turkey like I did by taking a full day off could send you into a panicky meltdown. Find something easy and brief to recharge and incorporate it into your day.

• Celebrate your accomplishments — Chronic busyness can be a way you feel like your work matters and you’re important. But if you never stop to savor your accomplishments, you’ll never feel accomplished. And that can make you feel like you’re always “behind” and “not doing enough.” Start a to-done list of the things you do every day and recognize what a badass you are. 

• Unplug your phone. Again, don’t go cold turkey. Watch TV without your phone. Leave it in the car during your massage. Or put it in the other room during dinner.

Might as well face it, you’re addicted to…love stress

I’m a recovering stress addict. When I worked in corporate, I craved the freedom and relief that would come with working for myself…or so I thought.

‘Cause once I was on my own, I filled my calendar with tasks, worked around the clock, skipped vacations, and found myself teetering on the edge of burnout…again.

My natural state is to go non-stop and do all the things. But coaching provides a different way. 

I recognize that high-achievers are wired for burnout. Which is why I help you make the most of your most precious resources — your time and energy. So you can do less of the things that drain you and discover the things that make you feel productive and fulfilled. 

If you’re tired of the chronic high-stress, high-pressure approach that leaves you feeling exhausted and unfulfilled, I’m here to help. Click here to learn more about how to work with me privately and finally live the way you always wanted. 

Was this helpful? You’ll probably also like…

Hi! I’m Erica

Licensed psychotherapist. Corporate dropout. Wife to Brendan. Mom to twins + one. ADHDer. Slow runner. Coffee drinker. Swear words enthusiast.

I know exactly what it’s like to have a life that looks successful on the outside but feel chronically exhausted, frustrated, and completely lost on the inside.

I help underachieving high-achievers create lives and careers they love, without burning out.

What people are saying…

Let’s be friends! Follow me on Instagram